Monday 8/22/22 – It Hurts…

Dear Lord Jesus, precious Jesus, I thank You for this day, Lord. I thank You for the rest You provided me last night and for waking me up with breath in my lungs this morning. I dedicate this day to You, Lord, and I ask that everything that happens today be glorifying to You. I just ask that You continue to surround me with Your peace and comfort. I am so thankful to You, that You prepared me for something that logically isn’t something I would have thought to prepare for. I thank You for Your leadership and guidance, for leading me every step of the way. I am even more thankful that I believe I have been listening to and responding to Your whispers and nudges and that You have been providing me the abundant life, in the midst of pain. I thank You, Jesus, for providing the idea to start this blog and that it has turned into an online journal for me, something that the public can access if they choose to search and find it. I thank You, Jesus for being with me every step of the way and I am thankful that You have told us to praise You in the midst of the storm, not to save us from experiencing the storm but protecting us in the midst of the storm, walking every step of the way with us to keep us in Your peace, and in your comfort in the middle of the storm. Thank You, Jesus! I love You, Jesus, thank You for loving me. In Your mighty, holy, and precious Name, Amen.

It hurts; a couple of weeks ago, I ended up in the ER due to muscle spasms and while the pain is fairly constant, it has been at least manageable with medication. And it is with a heavy and hurting heart that I come here today. Earlier this past week, my youngest brother was found dead in his home, the circumstances surrounding this event are too weird and I don’t have enough answers to get into any of that here. Now, not only am I feeling physical pain, but I’m experiencing a whole new level of pain that is not so physical as well. I didn’t see him often over the last 6 years, but I did probably talk to him more in the last 6 months or so, more than I had in the last 6 years. It was after work a couple of weeks ago and I was trying to be still and know that He is God, meditating, and asking Him what He wanted me to do, what He wanted me to watch and/or listen to so that He can teach me everything that it is that He wants me to know and understand at this time in my life. I felt the urge to call my brother and I’m so glad that I followed through on that urge as he picked up and we discussed a lot of things, at the end of the call, I reminded him that I loved him, and I apologized for any time in the past where I had judged him. I let him know that I had come to the realization that I had judged others, including him in the past, but that I was now trying to be less judgemental all around and I asked him to forgive me of times where I had judged him. I told him that I no longer judge him, that I love him, and that I was proud of him. We ended the call with me praying with him that the Holy Spirit just fill him up so there would not be room for anything else in his life, but the Holy Spirit. I hung up and that was the last time and now is the last time I will ever speak to him while I remain here on earth. I thank God that He led me to call him, I have no regrets with how I left things with my brother and I am so thankful to God that I have no regrets. Even though I didn’t see him often, the thought of being limited, the thought that I will never see him again in his physical body, those thoughts cause a storm, that comes on suddenly and without much warning. Several weeks ago my mom had gone back to MI to see him after we had a scare where he ended up in the ICU about 2 weeks before his death and she reminded him who he was and who he belongs to, and my brother invited Jesus back into his heart. My mother is a humble spiritual warrior, a secret agent for Jesus, she led my brother back to the Lord, and she has done this before to others that have been on their death bed, people that she knew were going to die, I’m assuming this was different because we didn’t think at 35 years old, that he was even close to a death bed, but I couldn’t have been more wrong about the situation I guess. While this is a tragedy on many levels, there are victories hidden throughout. My brother that had to be the one who found him, re-dedicated his life to Jesus this past week with our pastor in MI. I have remained here in FL, not knowing what to do, but I feel like I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. With the weird circumstances and so many unknowns at this time, there is no obituary, funeral, or memorial service. This all so weird, nothing about it is normal, but I am so thankful for the relationship that I have been building with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and that I have learned to rest and find peace in Him in the middle of my storms. This could have really rocked me, and it did, but I am so thankful that I know where I can go, where I can run to, to rest and find peace. I hope and I pray that you find your relationship with Jesus Christ and that You rely fully on Him for your daily bread, exactly what you need for this day, and to trust that He will provide it, just like he always has in the past when you used to be worried and anxious that He wouldn’t. Maybe, like myself, it’s time to take an inventory on past experiences and see all the ways He has been building ways for you to trust Him. For you and I to know that He is all that we need, especially when the enemy wants to keep you focused on fear, doubt and worry. I pray that God completely fills you with His Holy Spirit and that you can fully rest in His presence when you need to, so that you can gather up strength from Him to continue to fight the spiritual war each and every day. The battle that tries to keep you from fully surrendering to Him, to allow His Kingdom to come to you, and that His will be done through you. In the mighty, holy, and precious Name of Jesus, Amen. -A humble warrior in God’s army

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.” -2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV

Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever, Amen. -The Lord’s prayer

Published by humblespiritualwarrior

I'm learning how to follow after Jesus and what that looks like. I believe that I have the ultimate teacher leading me through this journey.

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